Don't Compare Yourself to Others: How to Defeat Envy and Find Inner Harmony
Envy is one of the most unpleasant and destructive feelings, capable of poisoning the joy of your own achievements and undermining your self-belief. We look at other people's successes—luxurious cars, perfect families, career advancements—and wonder why we don't have the same. This comparison becomes a source of pain and resentment, and sometimes even aggression directed at the object of our envy. It's generally considered shameful to be envious, so we hide this feeling even from ourselves, which only makes the situation worse. But what if we look at envy not as a vice, but as a signal that can help us understand ourselves? Let's figure out how to stop being envious and learn to be happy with both our own and others' victories.
The Anatomy of Envy: Where Does It Come From?
Before you fight envy, it's important to understand its roots. Envy is not just a desire to have what someone else has. It is a complex of feelings that includes:
- A sense of injustice. We feel that someone else's successes are undeserved, that «some people get lucky, and some don't.» This causes a feeling of resentment and anger.
- Low self-esteem. Envy is almost always related to a lack of self-confidence. We're afraid that we'll never reach the same level as others, that we're just not good enough.
- Comparison. This is the main trigger. Instead of evaluating our own progress, we look at other people's achievements. It's like running on a treadmill and constantly looking at the person next to us instead of our own stats.
Envy rarely comes alone. Its companions are disappointment, anger, annoyance, and a feeling of inferiority. It forces us either to devalue other people's successes («they just got lucky») or to engage in self-blame («I haven't achieved anything»). Ultimately, envy drains us of energy that could have been used to achieve our own goals.
7 Steps to Acceptance and Freedom from Envy
Freeing yourself from envy doesn't mean you stop wanting better for yourself; it means you stop suffering because others have it. This is a process that requires self-awareness and self-improvement. Here are 7 steps to help you with this.
1. Acknowledge and Name Your Feeling
The first and most difficult step is to honestly admit to yourself: «I'm envious.» You don't have to be ashamed of it. Like any other emotion, envy is a signal. Acknowledgment is already half the battle. When you name the feeling, you take away its power over you.
2. Abandon Social Comparisons
Social media is a breeding ground for envy. We only see the «perfect» picture of someone else's life: vacations, successes, happy moments. Remember: you are comparing your inner world with someone else's external, carefully filtered reality. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to your past self. Ask yourself: «What have I done in the last year? What have I learned? What difficulties have I overcome?»
3. Analyze What You Really Want
Envy often points to our true desires. If you envy a friend who started their own business, perhaps you also dream of being more independent. Use envy as motivation. Instead of thinking, «I wish I had what they have,» tell yourself, «What can I do to have my own business?»
4. Turn Envy into Admiration
This is a powerful psychological trick. Instead of belittling someone else's success, start to genuinely admire it. Think about the journey that person took, what obstacles they overcame. Ask them how they did it. Admiration creates a positive channel for exchanging energy and can inspire you to achieve your own accomplishments.
5. Focus on Your Own Life
Most people who achieve success don't waste time thinking about other people's lives. They are focused on their own goals, plans, and actions. Start living your own life and filling it with meaning. Find a hobby, get into sports, set a goal you want to achieve. When your life is full, you simply won't have the time or energy for envy.
6. Practice Gratitude
This step helps shift your focus from what you don't have to what you already do. Every day, write down a few things you are grateful for. It can be anything: your health, a roof over your head, the support of loved ones, even a delicious lunch. The practice of gratitude helps you see the value in your life and reduces the intensity of envy.
7. Develop Empathy
Remember that someone else's life isn't always as perfect as it seems from the outside. Serious problems, illnesses, or loneliness can be hidden behind a shiny facade. By developing empathy, you begin to see not only people's successes but also their struggles. This helps break the vicious cycle of comparison and start treating others with more compassion. Envy is just one of the links in a chain of negative emotions that can lead to a long black streak. To break free from it, it's important to realize that the root of the problem is not in other people's achievements, but in our own internal attitudes.
We've discussed how envy is not a random feeling, but rather a consequence of internal beliefs, low self-esteem, and the habit of comparison. Understanding these causes is, of course, an important step. But what do you do next? How do you translate this knowledge into real changes in your life? I myself was once in a similar situation where I had a lot of theoretical knowledge, but my life was not getting better. This is what prompted me to create the step-by-step guide «The Labyrinth of Life.» This book is a practical guide that will help you not just understand the causes of your failures, but also start acting to break free from the «black streak» once and for all and get your life on track. To begin your journey toward change, simply go to the very beginning, to the «Introduction» section.
