3 Non-Obvious Reasons Why Failures Pursue You
In each of our lives, there are difficulties, but what if these difficulties turn into a constant, exhausting struggle? You try, you put in the effort, but the result is always the same: failure, disappointment, apathy. In such moments, it’s easy to believe that you're just a "loser" in life and give up. However, if you dig deeper, you can discover that behind the apparent series of bad luck are very specific, but completely non-obvious, reasons. These reasons aren't on the surface; they are hidden in the depths of our subconscious, in our thoughts and behavioral patterns. It is they, like invisible threads, that control our lives, dooming us to repeat the same mistakes. Understanding these hidden mechanisms is the first and most important step on the path to change.
Many of us are used to looking for the reasons for our failures externally: in a bad boss, in an unfair society, in a cruel fate. But what if the root of the problem is much closer—in our own minds? We, sometimes unconsciously, create the conditions for failure, and then we wonder why we're so "unlucky." Let's figure out these non-obvious reasons and learn how to overcome them.
Reason #1: Secondary Gain from Failures
At first glance, this sounds completely absurd. Who could possibly benefit from their failures? However, in psychology, this phenomenon is called secondary gain. It's something we get from our negative state or situation, even if on a conscious level we want to get rid of it. Secondary gain from failures can be extremely varied and manifest in different ways.
Avoiding responsibility: When we fail, we can easily say: «It's not my fault; I just couldn't handle it». This frees us from the need to take responsibility for the result. We can stay in our «comfort zone», avoid risks and difficult tasks, because our subconscious already «knows» that it will all end in failure anyway. And failure in this case is not a defeat, but rather a way to avoid an even greater fear associated with potential success or responsibility.
Getting sympathy and attention: A person who constantly faces failures often gets sympathy and support from others. They become the center of attention; people feel sorry for them and help them. This can be an unconscious need for love and attention. And if we get this «love» only when we are feeling bad, our subconscious will strive for that state. We may complain about life and talk about our problems to get another dose of sympathy and, in this way, reinforce our status as a «victim».
Avoiding success: Paradoxically, success can be frightening. It brings changes, increased expectations, and responsibility. For a person who is afraid of this, failure becomes a reliable way to avoid unwanted changes. They may unconsciously sabotage their endeavors to stay in a role that is familiar and safe for them. Understanding that failures can bring hidden benefits is the first step to letting go of them and starting to move forward.
Reason #2: Lack of Self-Analysis and Emotional Blindness
Many of us live on «autopilot», without thinking about our emotions and actions. We simply react to external circumstances without trying to understand what's happening inside us. This emotional blindness is one of the main reasons why we keep stepping on the same rake.
Inability to recognize one's emotions: When we face troubles, we may feel anger, fear, or disappointment. If we don't recognize these emotions, we can't control them. They begin to control us, making us make impulsive and wrong decisions. For example, in a state of anger, we might be rude to our boss, and in a state of fear, we might turn down a promising project. These wrong decisions lead to failure, and failure, in turn, intensifies our negative emotions. It's a vicious cycle.
Lack of connection between thought and action: We may consciously want success, but subconsciously we may be afraid of it. If we don't recognize this internal conflict, our actions will contradict our desires. We will say one thing and do another. This leads to us being unable to achieve our goals because our internal programs are sabotaging us. For example, we want to start our own business, but we can't find the strength to take the first step. This isn't laziness, but an unconscious fear of success that paralyzes us.
Shifting responsibility: A person who doesn't analyze their emotions tends to blame others for their failures. «It's not me; it's their fault». This approach, on the one hand, seems comfortable because it relieves the feeling of guilt. But on the other hand, it makes us helpless. If someone else is to blame, it means we can't change anything. This completely deprives us of control over our lives and makes us prisoners of circumstances.
Reason #3: The Wrong "Programming" of the Subconscious
Our subconscious is a powerful «computer» that works according to certain programs. If these programs are negative, they will constantly attract corresponding events. We may consciously want one thing, but our subconscious will attract another.
The "stickiness" effect on negativity: When we constantly think about our problems, dwell on failures, and focus on negative events, our subconscious starts working in «negativity search» mode. It will find confirmation for our negative beliefs everywhere, even where there is none. For example, if you're convinced you're going to have a bad day, you'll only notice the unpleasant little things: the bad-tasting coffee, people's frowns, the bad weather. While ignoring all the positive moments. In this way, you create a bad day for yourself.
Lack of clear goals: Sometimes the reason for failures lies in the fact that we don't know what we want. We set vague, unclear goals, and our subconscious simply doesn't know where to lead us. For example, the phrase «I want to be happy» is too abstract. What exactly makes you happy? A family? A career? Travel? If you don't know the answer, your subconscious will get confused and lead you to the most unexpected places, which may seem «unfortunate» to you.
Lack of self-belief: This is one of the most destructive programs. If we don't believe in ourselves, in our strengths and abilities, our subconscious will do everything to hinder our success. We will avoid new opportunities, turn down difficult tasks, and doubt our own abilities. This leads to us staying in one place, and our lives being filled with failures. Getting back our self-belief is a key step to breaking this vicious cycle.
«Demagnetizing» yourself from failures requires deep and conscious self-work. It's not a quick process, but it's worth it. Start small: track your thoughts, analyze your emotions, and set clear goals. Gradually, step by step, you can change your internal programs and learn to create the reality you want.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do failures repeat one after another?
Most often, this occurs due to hidden psychological mechanisms, such as "secondary gain" or negative subconscious programming. You may unconsciously sabotage your success to avoid responsibility or to gain sympathy from those around you. Until these internal causes are brought to light, the brain continues to choose familiar patterns that lead to failure. Recognizing that the root of the problem lies within is the first step toward breaking this cycle.
What should I do if it feels like I’m just a "loser" in life?
It is important to stop believing in "ill fate" and start analyzing your thought habits. Chronic bad luck is often linked to a "negativity bias," where the subconscious mind seeks out only what confirms your fears. Start small: record at least three positive moments every day, no matter how insignificant. This will help recalibrate your internal "filter" of perception to look for opportunities rather than obstacles.
How can I tell if I subconsciously don't want to succeed?
Take a close look at your reactions: if the prospect of success triggers anxiety about future responsibility rather than joy, then a fear of change is at play. You might intentionally procrastinate on important tasks or make impulsive decisions that ruin everything. This is self-sabotage, acting as a defense mechanism to keep you from leaving your comfort zone. Acknowledging this fear will help you separate real risks from imagined anxieties.
Is it possible to get out of a "black streak" on my own?
Yes, it is possible, but the process requires deep and honest work on your mindset and emotions. Start by switching off "autopilot" mode — learn to recognize exactly which feelings (anger, fear, apathy) are dictating your actions. Set clear, measurable goals instead of abstract desires like "I want to be happy." Gradually replacing negative patterns with constructive actions will inevitably yield results.
Why are some people always lucky while I am not?
The difference often lies not in luck, but in the readiness to notice opportunities and the ability to respond correctly to mistakes. "Lucky" people generally dwell less on failures and are quicker to extract lessons from them without falling into a victim mentality. If you are focused solely on problems, your subconscious simply "filters out" lucky breaks. Shifting your focus from external circumstances to internal reactions changes your external reality as well.
Do I need to see a psychologist if I am plagued by failures?
It is worth doing if you feel like you are going in circles and cannot find a way out on your own. A specialist can help identify the hidden gains from your failures that are difficult to notice yourself due to "emotional blind spots." Professional help is also important if a state of apathy lasts a long time and interferes with daily life. An outside perspective accelerates the process of "demagnetizing" yourself from negative scenarios.
How long does it take to change your life and stop being a loser?
The first qualitative changes in perception usually occur after 3–4 weeks of conscious self-work. To completely reset subconscious programs and solidify new habits, it may take anywhere from several months to a year. The key is not to wait for an instant miracle but to move in small, regular steps. Only a systematic approach to analyzing your thoughts and actions produces sustainable results.
How can I stop blaming others for my problems?
Accept the fact that shifting responsibility makes you completely powerless. If the boss or the government is to blame, then you can't change anything, which means you are condemned to passive waiting. As soon as you acknowledge your share of responsibility for what is happening, you reclaim control over your life. Ask yourself, "What can I personally do in this situation?" to put the initiative back in your hands.
We've thoroughly explored how constant failures in life are not just a cruel fate but a logical result of certain internal beliefs and behavioral patterns. Understanding these mechanisms is, without a doubt, an important step. But to get out of the vicious cycle, you need not only knowledge but also a concrete, step-by-step guide. It was with this goal in mind that I wrote the step-by-step guide "The Labyrinth of Life," which will introduce you in detail to how to get out of that very black streak of bad luck and get your life on track for good. To begin reading it, simply go to the very beginning, to the "Introduction" section.
