Debunking Myths about Fate: Can You Change What's "Meant to Be"?
In moments of difficulty, when one setback follows another and life seems to be testing our resilience, many people ask themselves, «Is this my destiny?» Belief in predestination is, on the one hand, a way to explain events and relieve ourselves of responsibility, but on the other, it's a trap that robs us of faith in our own abilities. Myths about fate are deeply rooted in our minds, and we sometimes don't even notice how they influence our decisions and our attitude toward life. For example, the phrase «it wasn't meant to be» is often used as an excuse for inaction or giving up on a dream.
However, modern psychology offers a completely different view on this issue. It states that while we cannot choose the circumstances we are born into, we are completely free in our reactions to them. We are not passive spectators, but active participants and creators of our lives. In this article, we will debunk the most popular myths about fate and show how, by taking responsibility for yourself, you can change your life for the better.
1. Myth #1: Fate is an unchangeable plan written from above
This myth is the most common and the most dangerous. It implies that our life is a script that has already been written, and any deviation from it is impossible. This approach deprives us of free will and turns us into puppets in the hands of higher powers. People who believe in this myth often say: «What is fated cannot be avoided» or «It won't work out anyway, so why bother trying?» This leads to apathy, passivity, and an unwillingness to fight for your own happiness.
What's the reality?
From a psychological point of view, life is not a straight road but rather a labyrinth with many forks. Yes, we have certain limitations—our genetics, our family, our society. But these factors are only the «walls» of the labyrinth, not its route. We choose where to go: right or left, forward or back. Every choice we make, whether a small or large decision, changes our future path. Try to look at your life as a blank canvas on which you draw your unique pattern.
2. Myth #2: Bad luck is a curse of fate
When we are plagued by failures, we are often inclined to blame higher powers. «I'm just unlucky,» «This is my black streak, and there's nothing I can do about it.» This approach shifts responsibility for what's happening to «unknown forces.» It's convenient because you don't have to analyze your mistakes, change, or work on yourself. If fate is to blame, then we are not to blame. However, this view deprives us of the most important thing—the ability to fix the situation.
What's the reality?
Psychologists argue that «bad luck» is most often the result of our own actions, or, conversely, inaction. It is a consequence of certain internal beliefs and behavioral patterns. For example, a person who is afraid of failure may refuse new opportunities. And then failures will indeed follow one after another, but not because it was «destined,» but because they themselves made the decision not to try. Luck is not a mystical force but the result of the right actions, perseverance, and a willingness to learn from your mistakes.
3. Myth #3: Fate always brings you together with the «right» people
Many believe that «fate» itself will bring them together with the ideal partner, friend, or business partner. This leads to a passive waiting for a miracle, instead of actively building relationships and seeking like-minded people. A person sits and waits for the «right» person to appear in their life, and when it doesn't happen, they become disappointed and blame fate again.
What's the reality?
Relationships are the result of active work. We create our own environment. The more open we are to new acquaintances and the more we develop, the higher the probability of meeting interesting people. By choosing who to communicate with, you change your life. You can surround yourself with pessimists, and then your world will be full of negativity. Or you can choose to socialize with positive, goal-oriented people who will inspire you. This choice is entirely in your hands.
4. Myth #4: You can't escape your fate
This myth is closely related to the first one. It claims that any of our resistance to the «plan of fate» is useless and even harmful. A person can live an unloved life for years, work at a job they hate, or stay in unhappy relationships, explaining it by saying «you can't escape your fate.» This leads to internal conflict, depression, and a chronic sense of dissatisfaction.
What's the reality?
Our life is a continuous process of change. And we can be not only its victims but also its initiators. When we consciously decide to change our lives, we begin to create a new reality. This can be a job change, moving, ending a toxic relationship, or starting a new hobby. Every such decision is a step away from the old path and the creation of a new one that is better suited for us. There is no single «right» path; there is only your personal one, which you forge yourself.
5. How to Become the Creator of Your Life
By realizing that the myths about fate are just illusions, we can take control of our lives. Here are a few practical tips on how to do this:
- Take responsibility. Stop blaming external circumstances and other people for your failures. Acknowledge that you are the only one who can change your life. This is not a call for self-flagellation but a call for empowerment.
- Change your mindset. Replace passive beliefs with active ones. Instead of «I'm unlucky,» say, «I'll do everything to succeed.»
- Act. Even the smallest steps lead to big changes. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Every mistake is an experience that makes you wiser.
- Develop self-analysis. Ask yourself why you act a certain way. What drives you? What fears are holding you back?
- Seek opportunities. View difficulties not as obstacles but as opportunities for growth and development.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do failures in my life come one after another?
Often, this happens because of the "self-fulfilling prophecy effect," where a belief in your own bad luck subconsciously causes you to make mistakes. Our brains always look for confirmation of internal mindsets: if you expect a failure, you will behave tentatively, which leads to a negative outcome. To break this circle, you must realize that many failures are the result of hidden psychological patterns, not "evil fate."
Where should I start my recovery if my old life has been completely destroyed?
Start by reclaiming control through the simplest everyday actions: establish a strict schedule for waking up, showering, and eating breakfast. These small victories help the brain emerge from a state of chaos and provide the energy needed for larger changes. Gradually restore your basic needs—normalize your sleep and add at least 20 minutes of walking to your day.
Is it possible to change my destiny, or is everything already predetermined?
Destiny is not a fixed script, but rather a labyrinth where you choose the direction at every fork in the road. While we do not choose the circumstances of our birth, we are absolutely free in our reactions to them and in the decisions we make daily. As soon as you take responsibility for your choices, you transform from a passive spectator into an active creator of your own life.
What should I do if the fear of a new mistake paralyzes me and prevents me from acting?
Take small steps despite your fears, because the more you do, the less fear remains. Break down global goals into tiny, achievable tasks—each such victory will strengthen your self-belief. Remember that failure is not a verdict, but valuable experience and part of the learning process.
How can I stop constantly blaming myself and my circumstances for my bad luck?
The first step is to realize that looking for someone to blame makes you helpless and paralyzes your will to fight. Instead of self-flagellation, conduct an honest "audit of the ruins": write down the skills, experience, and qualities you still possess. Shifting the focus from external factors to your own assets allows you to see new anchor points for growth.
Should I see a psychologist if I cannot cope on my own?
Yes, acknowledging your vulnerability and asking for help is an expression of great strength, not weakness. A specialist will help you process the loss of identity in a healthy way and work through the hidden fears that sabotage your success. If you feel stuck in a "black streak" and old methods aren't working, an outside perspective will help you find a way out faster.
Why are some people always lucky while I am not?
Luck is not a mystical gift, but a result of being open to new opportunities and a willingness to learn from mistakes. "Lucky" people often possess a growth mindset and are more active in trying different strategies until they find one that works. If you replace passive waiting for a miracle with concrete actions, the number of lucky breaks in your life will begin to grow.
How long does it take to emerge from a black streak and get life back on track?
The recovery process is individual and will not be perfectly smooth, so it is important to be patient. The first changes in your mindset and state of mind can be noticed after a couple of weeks of working on your habits, but a deep restructuring of your life usually takes months. The key is to keep moving even after temporary setbacks, viewing them as part of the journey.
How can I find new meaning in life after a heavy loss?
Do not look for a grand mission right away; start with small goals that spark interest or curiosity. This could be a new hobby or helping others—such actions provide direction and motivation. New meaning is often born in the process of actively building social connections and interacting with new people.
We've discussed that our life is not a predetermined script but a field for creativity. The myths about fate that we so often use actually prevent us from realizing our potential and becoming happy. However, realizing this is only the first step. How do you move from understanding to action? How do you learn to make the right choices when it seems like everything is against you? I once found myself in a similar situation, where I had a lot of theoretical knowledge, but my life was not getting better. This is what prompted me to create the step-by-step guide «The Labyrinth of Life.» This book is a practical guide that will help you not only understand the causes of your failures but also start taking action to permanently get out of your «black streak» and get your life back on track. To begin your journey toward change, simply go to the very beginning, to the «Introduction» section.
