When a Tough Period Drags On: You're Missing This Step
Each of us knows the feeling when life seems to put us on «pause». Problems and difficulties don't just come and go; they stick around for a long time, creating the feeling that you've ended up in a quagmire with no way out. You try, you make an effort, but the situation doesn't change. You might have already tried every method you know: reading self-help books, trying to «think positively», and taking «steps forward». But nothing helps. In such moments, it's easy to fall into despair and decide that you're powerless. But what if all these attempts were in vain because you missed one, the most important and non-obvious step, without which all other efforts are simply pointless? This step isn't an action; it's a state. It's acceptance and self-compassion. In our society, it's common to think you always have to fight, but sometimes, to win, you have to allow yourself to lose first. That's what we'll talk about in this article.
Why We Skip the Most Important Step
In a culture focused on success and achievement, we're taught from childhood to fight, to overcome, and to strive for a goal. But we're almost never taught what to do when we face failure. And this leads to us acting according to a familiar pattern during a difficult period, which only makes the situation worse. Let's figure out what psychological mechanisms prevent us from taking this crucial step.
1. The Cult of Strength and the Denial of Weakness
In our mentality, a person is expected to be strong. Admitting to yourself and others that things are tough, that you're tired, and that you're not coping is seen as a sign of weakness. We're afraid of judgment; we're afraid of looking like «whiners». So, instead of accepting our feelings, we suppress them. We force ourselves to «hold it together», «pull ourselves together», and «keep going». But suppressed emotions don't just disappear; they build up inside, exhausting us and leading to emotional burnout and, as a result, even bigger problems.
2. Self-Criticism as «Motivation»
Many of us believe that self-criticism is a powerful driver of progress. «It's my own fault», «I could have done better», «Why am I such a loser?». We think that by scolding ourselves, we'll force ourselves to act. But in reality, self-criticism only makes the situation worse. It lowers self-esteem, robs us of self-confidence, and paralyzes our will. Instead of motivating us, it drives us into an even deeper emotional hole, from which it becomes harder and harder to escape. Self-compassion, on the other hand, gives us the strength to move forward.
3. The Fear of Getting «Stuck» in a Problem
Sometimes we're afraid to let ourselves stop and feel the pain because it seems like if we give in to our emotions, we'll be «stuck» in that state forever. We're afraid that if we admit to ourselves that we're hurting, we'll remain «weak». But in reality, it's the opposite. Only by acknowledging and accepting our pain can we be free from it. It's like a physical wound: if we ignore it and keep running, it will hurt more and more. But if we stop, treat it, and let it heal, we can move on.
How to Take This Crucial Step: An Instruction Guide
Acceptance and self-compassion aren't passive inaction but an active effort that requires courage and persistence. Here are a few steps that will help you take this crucial step and start to get out of a difficult period.
Step 1: The Practice of Acceptance: Stop Fighting What Is
The first step is to admit that you're in a difficult situation. Acceptance isn't resignation or passivity but the realization that you can't change what has already happened. But you can change your attitude toward it and your future actions. This step frees up a huge amount of energy that you were spending fighting with reality.
- Express your feelings: Find a way to express your emotions: talk to a close friend, write down your thoughts in a journal, or get into a creative hobby. Give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, and disappointment.
- «Anchor» in the present: When you feel overwhelmed by emotions, focus on the present moment. Feel your feet on the floor, pay attention to your breathing, listen to the sounds around you. This will help you get back to reality and calm down.
Step 2: The Practice of Compassion: Treat Yourself Like a Best Friend
Imagine your best friend was in the same situation. What would you say to them? Would you start scolding them? Of course not. You'd support them, tell them they could handle it, and that you're there for them. Now, treat yourself the same way. Stop criticizing and start supporting yourself. Here's how to do it:
- «Speech hygiene»: Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, consciously rephrase it into a positive one. For example, instead of «I'm a loser», say «I'm having a tough time right now, but I'll get through it».
- Small acts of compassion: Do small, pleasant things for yourself. For example, make your favorite drink, watch a good movie, or go for a walk in the park. This will help you restore your strength and feel that you are worthy of love and care.
- Forgiveness: Forgive yourself for your mistakes. They're a part of your experience, not a life sentence. Learn to let go of the past and look to the future.
Step 3: Action Based on Acceptance
Only after you've taken these two steps can you move on to active action. Because now your actions will come not from fear and despair, but from inner strength and confidence. Start with small steps. Don't try to conquer the peak all at once; just take the first, smallest step based on your new beliefs.
Remember that the path to success is rarely straight. It consists of many twists and turns, ups and downs. And it's on the downs that we learn the most. Sometimes, to move forward, you just need to stop, acknowledge your pain, accept it, and only then start moving. This seemingly simple step is that crucial link that's been missing from your life.
We've thoroughly explored how a prolonged difficult period in life is not just a string of failures but a logical result of certain internal beliefs, including the missed step of acceptance. Understanding these mechanisms is, without a doubt, an important step. But to get out of the vicious cycle, you need not only knowledge but also a concrete, step-by-step guide. It was with this goal in mind that I wrote the step-by-step guide "The Labyrinth of Life," which will introduce you in detail to how to get out of that very black streak of bad luck and get your life on track for good. To begin reading it, simply go to the very beginning, to the "Introduction" section.
