Envy—Poison or Cure? How to Turn It Into an Ally?
Social media, news feeds, conversations with friends—it seems like everyone around you is successful. Someone got a promotion, someone bought a new apartment, someone went on a round-the-world trip. And at moments like these, a heavy, oppressive feeling of envy can arise in your soul. We compare our lives to the “perfect” picture of someone else's success and feel worse, less significant. Envy is not just an unpleasant emotion. It can poison the joy of our own achievements, cause bitterness, and even lead to the destruction of relationships. But can we manage this feeling and make it our ally?
Envy, like any other emotion, has its roots and causes. Understanding these causes is the first and most important step on the path to healing.
The Anatomy of Envy: Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?
Envy is based on comparison, but not a simple one—it has a certain nuance. It’s a comparison where we always lose.
1. Low Self-Esteem and Self-Doubt
If a person is not confident in their abilities, they constantly seek external validation of their worth. By comparing themselves to others, they hope to find confirmation of their value, but instead, they only find proof of their “inadequacy.” Envy in this case is just a reflection of the inner feeling that “I am not good enough.”
2. The Culture of Achievement
Modern society is obsessed with success. We are taught that we must constantly reach new heights and be the best at everything. This creates constant tension and a race in which there are no winners. We compare ourselves not to who we were yesterday, but to the “successful” image imposed on us from the outside. In such a race, it's easy to slide into a prolonged black streak, because there will always be someone “more successful” than us.
3. Survivor Bias
We only see the final result of someone else's success, but we don't see the path that led to it. We don't know about the sleepless nights, failures, hard work, and disappointments that the person went through. Our perception is distorted: we only see the tip of the iceberg and envy it, without understanding the enormous amount of effort and setbacks hidden beneath the water.
It's important to understand that envy is not a sign of you being “bad.” It's a normal, human emotion. However, if left unchecked, it can cause serious harm.
The Destructive Consequences of Envy
Unprocessed envy can lead to serious consequences for mental and physical health:
- Chronic Stress. The constant comparison of ourselves to others and the feeling of inadequacy cause chronic stress, which can lead to health problems.
- Destructive Behavior. Envy can manifest as gossip, criticism, and devaluing other people's successes. This destroys relationships and makes us unhappy.
- Loss of Motivation. Envy takes away energy that could be directed toward achieving our own goals. We are so busy with other people's successes that we forget about our own.
- Social Isolation. Envy can make us avoid socializing with successful friends so that we don't feel worse about ourselves. This leads to loneliness.
5 Steps to Healing: How to Turn Envy Into a Strength
Envy can and should be transformed. Instead of letting it destroy us, we can use it as a powerful motivator for growth and development.
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step to healing is to honestly admit that you feel envy. Don't judge yourself for it. Tell yourself: “Yes, I envy this person. That's normal.” Acknowledging the feeling takes away its power. You are not a bad person for feeling envy, you are just a person.
Step 2: Analyze the Cause
Think about what exactly you envy. It may not be the success itself, but what's behind it: freedom, confidence, recognition, financial independence. By understanding the true reason, you can understand what you are really missing in your life. Envy is a kind of “beacon” that points to our unfulfilled desires.
Step 3: Use Envy as a Motivator
Instead of getting upset about someone else's success, ask yourself: “What can I do to achieve the same?” Use envy as a stimulus for action. Ask yourself:
- What qualities does this person have to achieve success?
- What steps can I take today to start moving in that direction?
- What do I need to study or learn?
Step 4: Stop Social Comparisons
Stop constantly comparing yourself to others. Instead, focus on your own progress. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Take at least one small step forward every day. Start an achievement journal where you write down your successes, no matter how insignificant they may seem. This will help you see and appreciate your own growth.
Step 5: Practice Gratitude
Consciously shift your focus to what you already have. Every day, write down 3-5 things you are grateful for: your health, family, friends, a favorite hobby. This exercise helps shift your focus from what you don't have to what you already have. This doesn't negate your desires, but it helps you feel more whole and happy.
Remember that the path to getting rid of envy is not magic, but systematic work on yourself. With each step, you will feel freer and more confident. Envy is not a stigma, but just a signal for action. And it's up to you how you use it.
We've discussed how envy is not just an unpleasant feeling, but a powerful indicator of our unfulfilled desires, which can be caused by low self-esteem and the cult of achievement. We've learned that the key to healing is acknowledging our emotions, analyzing their causes, and transforming envy into motivation for our own growth. But it's one thing to understand and another thing entirely to start taking action. How can you translate this theory into practical steps that will truly change your life? I once found myself in a situation where I had a lot of theoretical knowledge, but my life wasn’t getting any better. This is what prompted me to create the step-by-step guide «The Labyrinth of Life.» This book is a practical instruction that will help you not just understand the reasons for your failures but also start acting to finally get out of your «black streak» and get your life on track. To start your journey toward change, simply go back to the beginning, to the «Introduction» section.
